Forgiving Ourselves

Whoa! Where did January go? I am not certain what happened, but that sure went by fast.  I promised two blog posts a month, so I am going to squeeze this one in just under the wire.  I don’t have much that is profound to share, I attempted a couple of posts about my proclivity for moving (I think I must be descended from gypsies) and also thought about writing about my run streak (but it died at Day 50 and hasn’t quite been resuscitated yet, but watch out for Lent), and I think you all probably get enough Eloise updates on Facebook and Instagram, but don’t forget to follow her @eloise_the_blue_corgi on the insta.  So all that to say that this might be a bit rambling and is kind of a general what’s going on in Jen Fox’s head kind of post. I am resisting the urge to not publish anything because I know that if I want to get better at writing I need to write more and I need to not be afraid to hit the publish button when I’m not feeling that excited or motivated by a piece of writing, so here goes!

So what’s going on in Jen Fox’s head?  Well unless you don’t follow me on social media the big event is that I adopted a corgi puppy at the beginning of the month.  Obviously her name is Eloise, she’s about 13 weeks old now and is very precocious and completely spoiled. She’s a completely different personality from Eddie (my previous Corgi) and it’s entertaining to see her personality developing.  The first week I had her I kind of went full on Dragon Dog mom, EVERYTHING had to be PERFECT. I lost sleep worrying about ruining this dog, and not being a good enough dog mom, yes I am that person. I really had to practice some positive self talk and the idea that FEAR is False-Evidence- Appearing-Real. Fortunately I work with some pretty patient and wise people and have some pretty smart friends who reminded me that this dog is set.  She will more than likely live a better life than many human children and that I can’t really screw this up as long as I feed her, take her on walks and give her love and attention.  I think I also had to come to terms with some hold over grief and guilt that I was harboring from poor Eddie Fox. This might sound silly but I really had to work on forgiving myself.

I think we tend to judge ourselves too harshly; are we good enough parents, friends, athletes, colleagues, sisters, daughters etc.  I think it is okay for us to say, hey I can’t really be all things to all people 100% and serve everyone including myself, well. I have to take care of me and then the rest can fall into place. In this world of insta everything and Pinterest it’s easy to forget that our closets don’t always have to picture perfect and it’s okay to let the dishes sit in the sink and we don’t have to sign up for every race, its okay to run just to run. We were not meant to be perfect.  Time and time again you can see examples in the bible where God uses imperfect people to do amazing things (Jacob, Isaac, Joseph’s brothers, Adam & Eve). In my new puppy mom daze I encountered this scripture – “Be kind, compassionate, and forgiving to each other, in the same way God forgave you in Christ.” Ephesians 4:32. We need to remember that while we need to be kind to each other, we need to be kind to ourselves.

So to that end, I am not setting big running goals for 2019.  I feel like I need to focus my energies in other areas. Oh I am going to keep running, but I am dropping to the half in Oklahoma City and I am tabling my goal to run Transrockies until 2020.  I have entered the lottery for New York and I do actually plan to revive my running streak with the goal of keeping it alive for 365 days, but I feel those are races and goals that I can manage and make progress in other areas of my life – getting my finances in better shape, moving to a new apartment, achieving some big goals at work, and building a strong, healthy, athletic body; and hopefully starting Eloise on the right path to completing therapy dog certification. I’m also focusing in on somethings that I continually put off like reading more, kayaking, hiking and re-engaging with my church home.

So there you go that’s it for January. Let’s hope the Groundhog doesn’t see his shadow!

About AuntJenFox

I'm a 45 year old single woman living in Dallas, TX. I'm a licensed nursing home administrator, runner, Aunt, and Mom to a Welsh Corgi puppy named Eloise and a cat named Gracie. My life is anything but boring and I learn something new everyday.
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